Move towards the fire. This has become one of my mantras as a mediator and facilitator. 

In the courageous conversations that I facilitate, I support people to move towards the things they are most fearful of. The things that feel most risky, most vulnerable, perhaps explosive. The things that they are avoiding, wanting to run a mile from.

I had my own little lesson in vulnerability this week…

Many of the teams and individuals I am working with at the moment have a similar dilemma. On the surface they are in a fairly healthy place, but there is a big, unacknowledged elephant in the room.

Some of the elephants I’ve seen include unresolved tension between two team members that plays out in team meetings, financial threats to an organisation that make the future feel uncertain…

In a recent, very tough, team mediation, the tool that really unlocked change was Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a tool for compassionate, assertive communication. NVC is mostly taught as a tool for communicating a difficult message. And with good reason - it is a powerful tool for centred speaking. But its hidden power is in helping us to listen with compassion.

The senior team in question was stuck in a cycle of mistrust that felt never-ending, because everything they were hearing from each other confirmed their judgements and fears…

Just before lockdown, Dr Rachel Morris interviewed me for her brilliant 'You are not a frog' podcast about how to manage difficult conversations that arise during change, crisis and conflict. The recording is now live and our conversation is even more relevant today, as leaders navigate perpetual uncertainty and as teams figure out how to work together in our changed world…